GOP CLOWN CAR 2016

clowncar1 As of mid January 2015, more and more of the “usual suspects” have hinted at making a run for President on the Republican ticket. Some have already announced exploratory committees. Here are a few thoughts on those considering a ride in the GOP Clown Car for 2016 jebJeb Bush: Considered to be one of the “moderates” of the Republican Party which make his viability with the Tea Party base in question. He is known for being the first governor to back and enact Stand Your Ground. He cut services to Floridians in order to give breaks to corporate interests in the State. He also is accused to have manipulated the voting system in Florida along with Kathleen Harris to cage voters and pull resources from more liberal and minority areas of Florida in order to give Florida to his brother George in 2000. Did I mention he’s George W. Bush’s brother?

carson Ben Carson:  A gifted and proven neurosurgeon who has appeared to have taken a liking to conservative politics and being a pundit for Fox News. Sadly in doing so he’s shown himself to be oblivious to the real world. He compared the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act to Slavery. To prove his point, he made up quotes from folks like Lenin.  He is unabashedly hateful of President Obama. Despite what it has done for him, he is dismissive of the Civil Rights movement, is obsessed with what he sees as the moral decay of our nation.  He has compared ISIS to the rebels in this country in the 18th Century that founded our nation. The man should stick to medicine where he can help rather than out of touch destructive anti-social rhetoric that divides a nation and her people.

christieclown  Chris Christie: How can I put it, he’s Tony Soprano incarnate except that Tony was far better at being a hood than Chris could ever be. As governor of New Jersey he’s used his office to promote himself and destroy those he sees as being in his way. He’s under suspicion and possible federal action for his involvement in BridgeGate. He’s suspected in funneling Hurricane Sandy support to his “people” while thousands are still awaiting financial assistance to rebuild. He loves  to talk tough and threatening, especially to women. Under his leadership, New Jersey is near the bottom of every economic measurement coming out of the recession. Finally, although Governor, he has spent most of his second term out of state. However, as they say in Joisey “whadda you gonna do bout it?”

cruzclownTed Cruz: Born to a Cuban oil man in  Canada to an American mother.  His father is now some kind of racist spiritual leader. So he is admittedly born on foreign soil to a man who isn’t an American. Why would anyone have issue with that? Ted has a striking resemblance to another kook in the Senate who did more to create uproar to give himself notoriety by the name of Joe McCarthy. Only difference is McCarthy did go to war, Ted avoided it. He’s a staunch conservative who is very proud of his accomplishments in the Supreme Court in Heller. Even has an almost “Godly” painting of him presenting the case hanging in the office. A very humble man indeed. He had a filibuster in the Senate which actually wasn’t a filibuster at all where among other things he read Green Eggs and Ham. Ted was very useful to President Obama and the Democrats while trying to help his notoriety open the door for the Senate to approve a record number of Obama appointments. He was confused early in 2014 when he thought he was still a member of the House of Representatives and worked to shut down the government from there costing the United States $24 Billion. Ted has actually done more to help the President and the Democratic Party by his delusions of grandeur and pure stupidity than anyone else in the Tea Party caucus. fiorinaCarly Fiorina:  Former CEO of HP who was successful in having HP stock lose over 50% of its value during her tenure and laid off 30,000 employees. She was forced out by the board, no one can explain why. She’s never held elected office, but not for lack of trying. She tried to take Barbara Boxer’s seat and lost by over 10 points. She still thinks of that race because four years later, she’s still paying off her debt for running that campaign. Like most in the GOP clown car playing to the Tea Party base, Carly sees herself as being right of anyone else who claims to be right, right over the edge it would seem. She is dismissive of the success of the Californian economy since Jerry Brown took over claiming the little people aren’t doing well. I imagine some of those were former HP employees. grahamLindsey Graham: A Gulf War 1 veteran who served in the Air Force since he loves how the uniform matched his eyes. He served heroically in the Judge Advocates office in South Carolina. He’s still waiting to be awarded a Purple Heart for a nasty paper cut he received opening an envelope that contained invitations to an Air Force Cotillion. He is joined at the hip with Senator John McCain who calls Lindsey his “illegitimate son”. Lindsey is quite simply a chicken hawk in every sense of the term. He talks war and blames the President for being responsible for hundreds of thousands of deaths that he could have personally avoided by committing American Soldiers to go and die while killing hundreds of thousands of others.  He is afraid that ISIS terrorists will come to this country and “kill everybody”. He’s so afraid, he doesn’t even feel safe in his closet.

huckabeeclown Mike Huckabee: He’s making another try for the Presidency. He once won the Iowa Caucus like other GOP candidates who were never heard from again. He sees himself as a moral Christian conservative running for the moral fiber of the nation. He likes to complain about the parenting of the Obama’s by allowing their children to listen to unwholesome lyrics from the likes of Beyonce’. Mike knows good wholesome music having himself played on stage with Ted Nugent who has a popular song about raping a 13 year old and has admitted to having sexual relations with girls under the age of 18. Mike’s stage partner also avoided the draft by literally shitting in his pants at the Draft Board office. But Mike is a good father to his son who at age 18 found a stray dog, hung it from a tree, slit its throat then stoned it to death. Oh, and the Huckabees love to eat road kill.

jindal Bobby Jindal: Despite what many have said, Bobby wasn’t the inspiration for Alfred E. Newman. Alfred was Bobby’s inspiration. Another strong conservative who refuses to expand Medicaid resulting in the needless deaths of thousands each year. Bobby doesn’t place much concern about medical science, he knows better. He actually conducted his own exorcism on a college girl to make her feel so much better. You do have to hand it to Bobby, he really thinks the Tea Party base would vote for someone who looks like he does.

palinclownSarah Palin: The Master Chef of Word Salad leaving all with a craving for Ranch Dressing, the Maverick herself Sarah Palin is hinting at her own run for 2016 which only means she’s low on cash again and has another book to sell. People often speculate whether she’s on drugs when she speaks to handpicked crowds of the truly insane. However I believe if she did do drugs, she would make better sense. Tina Fey truly owes her career to Sarah, or as I like to point out, Tina has the sense of humor and Sarah is the joke.

paulclownRand Paul: Son of Ron who like his father is prone to the Paul 5 minute rule. He will start off saying something clear and positive that makes the most sense but after 5 minutes will dwell off to some really bat-shit crazy something. Rand actually unlike the others in this clown car presents himself fairly well to a lot of Americans, providing he doesn’t talk longer than 5 minutes. It’s going to make for some fairly short or very entertaining debates I suspect. Problem with Rand is he is of the ilk of his namesake, Ayn Rand. Believes in Austrian Economics favored by another Austrian many know about and is opposed to the Civil Rights act that he favors. Still trying to figure that one out. He went on for more than five minutes when presented with that question.

perryRick Perry: Future LensCrafters spokesman and former Governor of Texas Rick is really one of the best clowns in the GOP car. This is his second time going for president. If he tries a third time he may forget about it. He recently was very frank when he said the presidency “isn’t an IQ test.” Who better then to run for it. While considering a run he is under indictment in the State of Texas for abusing his authority. However Rick isn’t concerned, except if he is convicted he may not be able to go with Sean Hannity to the Rio Grande on boat with a sub machine gun hunting immigrant children again.

romneyclown Mitt Romney: Going in for the third time. The ultimate flip flopper in that he said he wouldn’t run again before saying he’s now considering it. There’s not much more to say about Mitt that wasn’t clearly brought up in his last adventure. All the tapes from the 2012 campaign still exist. The 47% tape is still there although Mitt now says he’s running for those in poverty. Now that “ObamaCare” exists and is growing in popularity maybe Mitt will now take credit for it since it was modeled under his plan in Massachusetts, though he denied it was. The only thing certain about Mitt is that you know whatever his position was one day will be changed another day. rubio Marco Rubio: Hopefully Marco will hydrate properly before taking the debate stage. An interesting man Marco, was in favor of a comprehensive immigration reform bill until he found out the Tea Party opposed it so he’s now opposed to it. So much so he may just now be in favor of deporting himself to satisfy them. Marco isn’t a scientist so he’ll take it upon himself to reject the findings of 97% of climate scientists and say the climate change is a hoax. Another good move considering he’s from Florida. A Cuban-American opposed to immigration reform and Floridian who’s not concerned about his state being swallowed up by rising oceans. He was really upset with President Obama opening up negotiations with the Cuban dictator Castro. So much so he’s willing to do all he can to stop what the majority of the nation supports, like some kind of dictator. When this is done, maybe he and Ted Cruz can form a new act at the Havana Tropicana  when full diplomatic relations are restored. santorumclownRick Santorum: Is running again. Maybe that should be rephrased? He’s a strong morale Catholic who may be the first to be excommunicated by Pope Francis for being openly opposed to the Papacy. As with the others who are returning to the GOP clown car this time around, Rick is destined to be the same candidate as before, only in a new sweater vest. At least he has Foster Friess to bankroll him yet again.

trumpclownDonald Trump: Donald possibly entering the clown car this year will be huge, HUGE. Of course he will have to actually answer questions about his finances. He may actually have to show what his “people” found in Hawaii about the President’s birth certificate that he has yet to disclose to the public. If he did, that would be huge, HUGE. Donald’s relevance is quickly slipping away as no one watches his NBC show anymore and only FOX and Friends ever have him on. It’s slipping so bad he may end up on his own “Celebrity Apprentice” as another has been Celebrity contestant.

walkerScott Walker: Scott is another ultra Ayn Rand type conservative who thinks he can get the Tea Party to accept him as he then pivots to pretend he is a moderate Republican. Again, like his fellow GOP governors, Wisconsin is not doing as well economically as her neighbors. He, like Christie and Perry could be facing criminal charges over the John Doe investigation still ongoing.  Like Mitt Romney he’s another flip flopper saying anything he hopes will get him elected. He’s also a Koch Brother favorite though he can easily be fooled by someone pretending to be David Koch on the phone. Scott is both weak and destructive and may actually end up being the nominee this year for the simple fact of being the least known and least repulsive of the others considering to run.

Who’s to say who will or won’t finally go in for the nomination in 2016 and who will actually be given the opportunity to lose in November. Fact is as the above list demonstrates, the GOP have too many flawed personalities considering a run. This is a repeat of 2012. They will destroy each other in the primaries because all have baggage that can and will be exploited. The real issue for 2016 isn’t who will win the presidency, but who will be in the Congress that president will get. POTUS may end up being more of a side show this time around.

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