On April 30, 2018 word leaked that the Trump defense team had in fact received written questions for Donald Trump regarding the Mueller investigation. Some suspected that Rudy Giuliani was the one who leaked the questions, but nobody is sure who did or even if these were the questions.

On November 16, 2018 Donald Trump stated emphatically that his lawyers didn’t write his response to the questions, that he wrote his own answers and hadn’t tweeted, er sent them yet. Below are the questions the New York Times indicated that the Mueller team wanted to ask Trump and his apparent responses, in 240 characters or less of course.

Questions related to Michael T. Flynn, the former national security advisor:

What did you know about phone calls that Mr. Flynn made with the Russian ambassador, Sergey I. Kislyak, in late December 2016?

              #FAKENEWS, Flynn is an innocent fine young man who only did what he was supposed to do. It was legal, trust me, I’ll tell you, nothing to see here! #WitchHunt.

What was you reaction to news reports on Jan. 12, 2017, and Feb 8-9, 2017?

              @FOXandFriends are the only real news team with the truth. The failing New York Times and CNN are #FAKENEWS!!!

What did you know about Sally Yate’s meeting about Mr. Flynn?

              She’s only a four at best. I know beauty.

How was the decision made to fire Mr. Flynn on Feb 13, 2017?

              Flynn never had anything to do with my campaign, I barely ever met him. Can’t identify him if we were in the same room. He’s a nobody.

After the resignations, what efforts were made to reach out to Mr. Flynn about seeking immunity or possible pardon?

              Sheriff Joe is a true patriot being hounded by the angry democrats in the Justice Department. Who’s Flynn?

Questions related to James B. Comey, the former F.B.I. director:

What was your opinion of Mr. Comey during the transition?

              I never met Lester Holt, that interview was fake, #FAKENEWS created by a 300 pound guy on a couch. Comey’s a lying Democrat who colluded with Russia. That’s what people are saying.

What did you think about Mr. Comey’s intelligence briefing on Jan. 6, 2017, about Russian election interference?

              Comey’s a low IQ guy for a non Black. Hillary colluded with Russia, no collusion here, none, trust me, you can believe me, no collusion #WitchHunt

What was your reaction to Mr. Comey’s briefing that day about other intelligence matters?

              Intelligence doesn’t matter, look at me!!!

What was the purpose of your Jan. 27, 2017, dinner with Mr. Comey, and what was said?

              They made the most beautiful chocolate cake. Comey wanted two scoops of ice cream. I don’t him only I get two scoops, he has to settle for one. That was a beautiful cake.

What was the purpose of your Feb 14, 2017, meeting with Mr. Comey, and what was said?

              Would you be my valentine and give me complete loyalty? No? You’re Fired!!!

What did you know about the F.B.I.’s investigation into Mr. Flynn and Russia in the days leading up to Mr. Comey’s testimony on March 20, 2017?

              The F.B.I. are a disorganized group of angry Democrats working for Hillary covering up her collusion with Putin. Putin loves Hillary. I’m the toughest president against Putin, ask Sean Hannity!!!

What did you do in reaction to the March 20 testimony? Describe your contacts with intelligence officials.

              I don’t wear contacts, Obama wears contacts but not me. I have 20/20 vision, unless it’s fine print then I need readers.

What did you think and do in reaction to the news that the special counsel was speaking to Mr. Rogers, Mr. Pompeo and Mr. Coats?

              That’s spelled council. Isn’t Mr. Rogers dead?

What was the purpose of your calls to Mr. Comey on March 30 and April 11, 2017?

              They were prank calls. He answered and I asked him if his refrigerator was running. Comey said yes. I told him to go chase it before it got away. I’m the funniest president since Lincoln.

What was the purpose of your April 11, 2017, statement to Maria Bartiromo?

              Fox Business needed more propaganda so I delivered.

What did you think and do about Mr. Comey’s May 3, 2017, testimony?

              Comey lied, I know, I know all about lies and liars. I’m an expert on lying!!!

Regarding the decision to fire Mr. Comey: When was it made? Why? Who played a role?

              That’s spelled roll. There was no good time to fire Comey but you know this fake Rusher thing… wait, does Lester Holt work for you?

What did you mean when you told Russian diplomats on May 10, 2017, that firing Mr. Comey had taken the pressure off?

              I was telling them that now I can really get tough with Putin now that Comey wasn’t blocking me from getting the FBI to finish investigating the emails.

What did you mean in your interview with Lester Holt about Mr. Comey and Russia?

              It’s Rusher.

What was the purpose of your May 12, 2017, tweet?

              I tweet to keep America informed and great again. I have the best words on Twitter and I have more followers than Obama. #MAGA

What did you think about Mr. Comey’s June 8, 2017, testimony regarding Mr. Flynn, and what did you do about it?

              Comey lied and I tweet.

What was the purpose of the September and October 2017 statements, including tweets, regarding an investigation of Mr. Comey?

              Comey is a secret Democrat and Russian hacker working for Hillary. People tell me that so I was going to prove it to the world.

What is the reason for your continued criticism of Mr. Comey and his former deputy, Andrew G. McCabe?

              They started it!!!! #MAGA

Questions related to Attorney General Jeff Sessions:

What did you think and do regarding the recusal of Mr. Sessions?

              If he had told me he would do the right thing and recuse himself I wouldn’t have hired him. I want loyal people, not honest people doing their jobs. Glad I have Whitaker now. #MAGA!!!

What efforts did you make to try to get him to change his mind?

              Into what?

Did you discuss whether Mr. Sessions would protect you, and reference past attorneys general?

              He’s my Attorney General and it’s my Justice Department, Mine Mine, Mine!!!

What did you think and what did you do in reaction to the news of the appointment of the special counsel?

              I told you before, that’s council. All those angry Democrats. So I tweeted.

Why did you hold Mr. Session’s resignation until May 31, 2017, and with whom did you discuss it?

              I only discuss things with myself. I have a great mind. I was being nice to that little Keebler elfish low IQ back stabbing ingrate!!!

What discussion did you have with Reince Priebus in July 2017 about obtaining the Sessions resignation? With whom did you discuss it?

              Reince Priebus? Who’s that? I run my own White House and I only discuss things with the greatest mind in the White House, mine.

What discussions did you have regarding terminating the special counsel, and what did you do when that consideration was reported in January 2018?

              We’ll see Robert.

What was the purpose of your July 2017 criticism of Mr. Sessions?

              He’s too easy to criticize. I was just being me.

Campaign Coordination With Russia:

When did you become aware of the Trump Tower meeting?

              When Melania told me we couldn’t adopt any more children from Russia to give Eric and Donald Jr. a little brother. Barron kind of freaks me out.

What involvement did you have in the communication strategy, including the release of Donald Trump Jr.’s emails?

              Junior’s emails being released, that’s the real crime of the Clinton administration.

During a 2013 trip to Russia, what communication and relationship did you have with the Agalarovs and Russian government officials?

              We discussed going into a business venture supplying Trump resorts, the best resorts on the planet with rubber sheets and special maid service. I came away with this plan after how I was treated in Moscow.

What communication did you have with Michael D. Cohen, Felix Sater and others, including foreign nationals, about Russian real estate developments during the campaign?

              That’s all #FAKENEWS everybody knows it. There’s no collusion, NO COLLUSION!!!!!

What discussions did you have during the campaign regarding any meeting with Mr. Putin? Did you discuss it with others?

              I wasn’t asked to help Mr. Putin with his campaign. Besides, he was too busy helping me with mine. #MAGA

What discussions did you have during the campaign regarding Russian sanctions?

              The sanctions lifted against Trump Tower Moscow? We’re still working on that.

What involvement did you have concerning platform changes regarding arming Ukraine?

              That was all Obama’s and Hillary’s fault that Ukraine got armed. I had to explain that to Putin.

During the campaign, what did you know about Russian hacking, use of social media or other acts aimed at the campaign?

              All hacking and social media acts were done by a 350 pound fat guy on a couch. Heard he’s kind of orange and has a bad hairstyle.

What knowledge did you have of any outreach by your campaign, including by Paul Manafort, to Russia about potential assistance to the campaign?

              Everybody knows Manafort, who’s a wonderful guy, had nothing to do with my campaign for the six months he ran it. #MAGA #WitchHunt No Collusion!!!

 What did you know about communication between Roger Stone, his associates, Julian Assange or WikiLeaks?

              I LOVE WIKILEAKS!!!!

What did you know during the transition about an attempt to establish back-channel communication to Russia, and Jared Kushner’s efforts?

              #FAKENEWS the 12 angry Democrats can’t find any collusion, not collusion. Only Hillary colluded with Rusher. Comey lied. #MAGA

What do you know about a 2017 meeting in Seychelles involving Erik Prince?

              Where’s Seychelles? Do they have a Trump Tower there?

What do you know about a Ukrainian peace proposal provided to Mr. Cohen in 2017?

I don’t know Cohen, never met him, he never did any work for me, none at all. No Collusion.