A Trump Christmas Poem


Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the White House,

Creatures were stirring, led by an orange louse;

The CR was negotiated in Congress with care,

But Donald Trump demanded a wasteful wall should be there;


Unpaid federal employees questioned how to pay for housing and meds,

While Mnuchin, Kudlow, Ross and Mulvaney still slept snug in their beds;

And Melania in her Dolce and Gabbana, and Spanky oblivious to his trap,

Had just settled down for a long term national mishap,


When out on the portico there arose such clatter,

That the secret service responded to see what was the matter,

Away to the door Spanky waddled through McDonald’s trash,

Face all covered in a smudged orange rash,


U.S. Marshals entered the entrance below

Armed with subpoenas and warrants to show,

Rudy Guiliani met them with a sneer,

But soon that gave way and he showed his fear,


The Marshal’s weren’t giving in to Rudy’s shtick,

They all stared at him and said in unison, “what a dick!”

As they entered attempts to stop them were in vain,

They whistled and shouted and called out without shame;


“We have a search warrant signed by a federal magistrate!

We’re looking for records and documents and we have no time to wait!

From the West Wing to the East Wing and the residence above!

We’re going to gather them and process them so let’s not get rough!”


Donald had dry heaves over the events that were nigh,

Despite his obstacles and obstruction, Justice came down from on high,

So in the House the Feds were moving through,

With bags and boxes of evidence gathered too,


And then, in a twinkling, was heard down below,

Drawers and cabinets opening and closing giving MAGAts woe,

Off in the corner of an office where no POTUS can hide,

Was the hero of this action, who no sane man could deride,


Mueller was well dressed and professional from his head to his foot,

His clothes were neatly pressed and clean, free of any soot;

A bundle of court orders he had in his briefcase hung over his back,

He remained calm, professional and serious as he unpacked.


Our eyes—how they twinkled! Our hopes became merry!

Our cheeks were like roses, our noses like cherries!

Trump drooled from his mouth, a scowl formed on his face,

He knew like with every civil and criminal action against him, he hasn’t a case;


As the events unfurled Trump took to Twitter,

Lies, all caps and misspellings betrayed how he was bitter;

He grimaced on his thrown, I-phone in hand,

He crapped and he tooted and had Melanie help him to stand.


Trump is morbidly obese and foul, tweeting like a right-wing troll,

The nation shutters when they read them, despite knowing he’s just droll;

The white patches around his eyes, the yellow mop on his head,

We knew early on, he’s someone to dread;


But we can all rejoice to know someday our nation will mend,

With Dems in the House, his cover-ups and obstructions will hopefully end;

But there’s still work to be done, battles to be fought,

The sabotage of our institutions, reputation and honor has been a lot;


With Mueller closing in and the Democrats taking control,

Our two year nightmare may soon come to a close,

So be hopeful and of good cheer,

When it’s done, I’m buying the beer.

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